Today is a bad day

I am feeling hopeless today. I feel like I will never get pregnant. I feel like giving up, yet I know that can't happen because until I hold my baby in my arms I am going to feel empty and incomplete. I am also freaking out about next cycle because I really want to do a medicated IUI. I finally have J on board with it, but now my worry is that my period is due next Saturday. I won't be able to call the RE until Monday and I am freaking out that that will be too late to start a cycle because I will have to get in to see the RE and get the protocol and my script for whatever drug we decide on and then get it filled somewhere and I am scared that no pharmacy in this podunk town will have it. I know I should not be worrying about these things now, but I have to worry about something. I am also worried my RE will continue his non aggressive thinking and try to discourage me from doing IUI yet in which case I will have to research new REs and get a new consult appointment, which could take several more months. I want this all to go away. I am at the end of my rope.