I saw "her"

So yesterday sucked. I started off feeling pretty good. I was happy and hopeful. But it seems every time I am feeling good something has to knock me back down a few notches. My boss let me leave work at 1:00. So I came home and cleaned the house and then decided to do a little retail therapy. I went in Bed, Bath and Beyond and looked around then decided to go next door to Ross and TJMaxx to do some bargain hunting. Went in Ross, didn’t find anything interesting walked outside to go next door to TJMaxx and that’s when I saw her. The “her” that no one wants to see. The “her” that can bring you to tears every time. It was my ex BFF. She was pushing a stroller with her little one year old red headed daughter (she always wanted red headed kids and of course she always gets what she wants). She was also about 8 months pregnant. I knew she had one kid and I knew she was pregnant, but actually seeing her stopped me in my tracks. I could feel the knife going in deeper and twisting. I almost lost it in the parking lot. So I ducked behind someone and power walked to my car before she could see me and want to talk. I changed me plans and instead of shopping I went to the nearest Starbucks and got a mint mocha chip frappaccino and then went to the grocery store and bought wine and ice cream. This is the first time that IF has actually forced me to change my plans. I don’t like this at all. I feel that I can no longer go out because I may see her again or see someone else from my past that is pregnant or has kids. (this is a pretty small town) I can’t bear having to have a conversation with them and pretend my life is great.

I am also freaking out today about our impending RE appointment. I am terrified something is wrong, but I am also terrified that nothing is wrong and we are unexplained. There is no good outcome from this. Either something is wrong and we have to start expensive procedures that we have no insurance coverage for or nothing is wrong and have to just keep trying and pray we get lucky someday.

At least the Olympics are on and can provide a distraction for awhile. J and I watched the opening ceremonies last night and they were pretty cool. I am so excited for gymnastics to start. Its my all time favorite.