I don't know how much more I can take

Cycle 12 has really hit me hard. I have been very depressed since the BFN on Saturday and my period on Sunday. I can’t stop crying. I think it’s the realization that we are not going to be able to do this on our own. We are not able to do what our bodies were designed to do. What comes so easily to everyone I know. I also have been thinking a lot about #2. Will it be this hard? Will we have to go through all this again? I know I should just concentrate on getting pregnant with #1 first. It just terrifies me. I am becoming a different person and I am not sure I like her. I don’t want to do anything anymore. We used to go out with out friends every weekend. We have not done that in months because I just don’t want to be around people. I have lost touch with all my IRL friends and I am not sure I want to resume contact. I wake up in the morning and the only thing that gets me though the day is that I know I can go home from work and get back in bed. I have no desire to do anything that I used to consider fun. J is really worried about me. I feel bad for him because he does not know what to do with me. He wants to take me on a trip this weekend, but there is nowhere I want to go. I just want to stay home and do nothing. No one IRL understands what I am going through and my family feels it’s appropriate to make jokes about my “broken ovaries.” It’s not funny and very hurtful, so I avoid them also. I can’t even watch TV anymore because I keep being reminded of what I don’t have, what I may never have. This whole thing really sucks and its something I never in a million years imagined I would have to deal with. I admire the strength of all the women who are many cycles ahead of me, I don’t think I can do it. I can’t imagine feeling any lower than I do now, but with each passing cycle I know it will just get worse. I am not a strong person. I just don’t think I can take much more.