{eight year well child}
8 years ago
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
You're not getting any excitement outta me
A friend who knows about my TTC problems and knows I am on antibiotics for it just asked me if I was excited that it may finally happen. I had to answer truthfully. I am not. I don’t think the antibiotics were the magic key. I just don’t see myself being pregnant. I can’t picture it. I can’t imagine the 2 pink lines, the baby belly, the maternity clothes, the nursery. I can’t see it at all. Maybe my mind is blocking those things out because it is just too painful to picture them. The look on her face when I told her I was not excited was shock. She could not grasp why I was not excited. After 13 cycles of failure, forgive me if 2 $4 bottles of antibiotics don’t cause me extreme giddiness. I can’t get excited because the failure will just be that much harder to take. If I don’t get pregnant this cycle we go back for another post coital. Josh and I were going over budget stuff last night and I added the cost of that in there.
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1 comment:
I hear you on the not letting yourself get excited thing. For the first IVF we were so excited, sure it was going to work. And then the BFN - it hit HARD. So with the second one, neither of us would let ourself get too excited about it. Because we knew if we did, getting a BFN would hurt that much more. And if it was a BFP, than yay!
And I do think about you often - really hoping that all it does take is 2 $4 pills - I've got my fingers crossed and I can be excited FOR you. ;-)
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