Major Freak out Alert

I had my pre-op appointment yesterday morning. J went with me. I am glad he wants to go to all my appointment with me.

First stop was the RE's office where I had to sign the consent forms. They are quite scary. They detail everything that could go wrong: death, permanent infertility, loss of a limb, risk of AIDS. Ugh, if I wasn't worried about surgery before, I sure am now. I know its standard procedure so they can protect themselves, but its still scary to see all the risks there in black and white. While I was signing my papers a nurse I have never seen before comes in. I think she must have been new. She was so excited because she had just assisted in her first ET and she was talking about how cool it was to "put the babies in". I thought it was cute. Also my forms said the surgery was for the treatment of PID and Chronic cervicitis. I knew about the cervicitis, but he has never mentioned PID. From my extensive googling PID is an STD. I don't have an STD and if I do J has some explaining to do. I have had paps annually since I was 18, how the hell was this not caught a treated in those 8 years? I am hoping the PID is on there for insurance purposes. Maybe to make them cover it? I have IF coverage so they would cover it anyway, but I don't know.

Next stop was the surgery center where I will have the surgery. I again had to sign the forms stating that I was aware I could die or lose a limb (seriously whats up with all the losing a limb business?) Then I had some blood drawn and was sent on my way.

On the way home I started freaking out about what ifs. What if my baby making parts are so f'ed up that he tells me I can never have a baby? What if he messes up during the surgery and I can never have a baby? What if I come out of surgery missing an arm? J would not hear all my "what ifs?" His response to all of them was "What if we get hit by a bus on the way home?" Ugh. Not helpful.

Last night we went shopping for bigger fat pants. Ugh not a pleasurable experience. We went to the big mall thats about an hour away. Leaving the mall you have to stop at a traffic light under a bridge. I have stopped at this light many, many times, but last night I started freaking out. I could hear the cars on the bridge above and just knew the bridge was going to collapse. I honestly thought I was going to have a panic attack. Luckily the light changed and I told J he better get me out from under that bridge if it meant running the red light. I assume it was just an accumulation of stress. It was really scary. I have never felt like that before. Just thinking about it now is making me shake.

Now I need to go clean the house and go grocery shopping. I need to get some meals prepared for next week so J does not feed me Hardee's and KFC for 3 days. I may be fine to cook and all, but if the anesthesia and pain killers I had for my wisdom teeth removal is any indication I will be in la-la land for 3 days and probably should not go any where near a stove. I don't do so well with meds. Hell even tylenol makes me loopy.